Written and directed like it's a story straight out of a class six moral science textbook, the problem with "Say Salaam India" is that it's such an amateurish effort. I can't understand why it's mandatory to paint one person charcoal black in order to show how upright the other is. I'd have thought we've outgrown such clichés, but evidently we haven't.

This film's plot is as predictable as the weather in Alaska and sadly that's what makes it such a royal bore. The only warm moments are provided in the interactions between Sanjay Suri and Sandhya Mridul who plays his supportive wife. By far my favourite bit in the film is that part where he calls her the Rahul Dravid of his life, his strong wall.

That apart it's mostly a manipulative film that shamelessly taps into your emotions at every chance that it has. And if you're not seduced by the dark horse story of the kids who win against all odds, or the redemption saga of the coach who proved his point, then believe it or not the writers even throw in a child suffering from cerebral palsy to tap on your tear ducts.

A sincere request here to Milind Soman: please stay away from acting if you haven't learnt any. In the end, I'm going to go with two out of five for "Say Salaam India". It's bad enough the film is most ordinary, even the timing couldn't be more inappropriate - this picture heralds our Indian cricket stars as heroes of the nation. Really, such bad timing.